3/13/07 11:37 pm |
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3/13/07 11:37 pm |
2/21/07 10:47 pm - . last call .Luckily no jail time (yet). No drivers license. No vehicle. No transportation- no sleeping in my truck anymore. I need a backpack. And good walking shoes. Back to the hobo lifestyle. Yay.  As soon as I pulled over, I stepped out of my truck. The (same) officer (as before) told me to get back into my vehicle. He came up and said "license and registration." I said, "Look. If you take me downtown, they're not going to let me out for a long time. What do YOU want to do?" He took it easier on me this time. Jail sucks. I won't be the same person if I end up in there. I've been institutionalized and I know how it changes people. Crazy eyes... Last call for freedom... Last call... |
2/15/07 07:50 pm |
2/13/07 08:20 pm - . I left him .this town full of men with big mouths and no guts; I mean if you can just picture it, the whole third floor of the hotel gutted by the blast and the street below showered in shards of broken glass, and all the drunks pouring out of the dance halls staring up at the smoke and the flames; and the blind pencil seller waving his stick shouting for his dog that lay dead on the side of the road; and me, if you can believe this, at the wheel of the of the car closing my eyes and actually praying; not to God above but to you, saying: Help me, girl; help me, girl I'll love you till the end of the world With your eyes black as coal and your long dark curls Some things we plan, we sit and we invent and we plot and cook up; others are works of inspiration, of poetry; and it was this genius hand that pushed me up the hotel stairs to say my last goodbye to a hair as white as snow and of pale blue eyes [saying:] I gotta go; I gotta go, the bomb in the bread basket are ready to blow in this town of men with big mouths and no guts, the pencil seller's dog, spooked by the explosion, leaping under my wheels as I careered out of Longwood on my way to you waiting in your dress, in your dress of blue I said: Thank you, girl; thank you, girl I'll love you till the end of the world with your eyes black as coal and your long, dark curls and with the horses prancing through the fields, with my knife in my jeans and the rain on the shield; I sang a song for the glory of the beauty of you waiting for me in your dress of blue Thank you, girl. Thank you, girl I'll love you till the end of the world with your eyes black as coal and your long, dark curls |
1/5/07 04:44 pm - . he asked for warning . Let me know before you leave me. |
11/22/06 12:01 pm - . melting .We came back to his brothers house and watched cartoons for a while. Aaron's brother is a fireman and spends every other night at the station. He wasn't home last night, so we went to the local bar for our evening nyquil shots. Same bar we met in several months prior to plan our future goals. I remember shaking on it. It's nice to see the progress we have made working together over the past several months. We ran into some crazy people and some good people at the bar. Joy said some things that really touched me. How I am very good for Aaron. How she doesn't usually like the girls he's been with. That I am a very good woman and that I take good care of him.  Aaron told me he has selfish goals of his own in this whole adventure. That he does want children. And that I would make an amazing mother. And wife. |
11/21/06 12:38 am - . a prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages .I sleep next to someone again. I wake up next to someone again. I think of the person whose holding me again. I knew I was lonely, but jesus- depriving myself of intimacy and affection for so long pays off in a way... when it actually comes back. I wasn't sure it would. I met Pinetop Perkins last night at Carlos'n'Charlies. I haven't danced in a long time till last night. Aaron and I were celebrating our departure from Austin. Perkins wanted me to keep dancin'. I told him I wasn't gunna stick around unless he was gunna get on stage and sing. Aaron gave him a hundred bucks. Last night was too much fun. I woke up in Aaron's arms. |
8/8/06 04:36 pm - . I choose war . |
8/8/06 04:20 am - . oh the sins . let me count the ways .conversations with strangers teach me more about who I really belong with |
4/28/06 03:42 pm - . stay away from me .None of this is real. |
3/10/06 12:19 pm - . I'll never tell all I've seen .What did I do to you? What are you really thinking? You're good at keeping your distance. Why are you running away?  _______________________________ No one really talks to each other anymore. |
2/13/06 02:47 am - . prince charming version II .He invited me to take a business trip with him.  He touches me in a world I've never known |
2/13/06 02:39 am - . hmmm .My ex called me a spoiled brat because I wasn't interested in inviting him and his fuck buddy down to show them around Austin. I don't even care to see him. Feels like he uses people to get pussy. He should learn how to earn it himself. |
1/31/06 01:42 pm - . he asked me if I was pregnant - then called me a serpent .I don't want you to look at me while I'm shedding Skin. I can't afford for you to see what's inside me. I'd rather shoot myself than have you watch me. I Feel you'd steal my skin to try and wear me. I was betrayed, one more day of my short life. You were Carried away. You had no shame. To suffocate my being. I was me, but you weren't you. You were sticking to me like a scab...so I peeled you away, and bled for days. Then Stepped out of myself. I'm shedding skin, changing within, I'm falling in. Through swollen eyes, I dreamed you died, caught inside. I'm shedding skin, spreading thin, severed stem. I created the end, I'm killing a friend. I'm shedding my skin. I don't think you belong in here, I feel I'm sick. Don't ask because You know damn well where I've been. I've kept a simple Woman through the thick and thin. But I've found the guts to sever from my Siamese twin. I throw you away. Everyday. A dead part of life. Strangling back. Seething black. In between my longing for torture. Blood on my face that came from your face. The mix Of kissing and bleeding. I put you away. I shut you away. I pissed you away. I threw you away. I'm shedding skin, changing within, I'm falling in. Through swollen eyes, I dreamed you died, caught inside. I'm shedding skin, spreading thin, severed stem. I created the end, I'm killing a friend. I'm shedding my skin. You're fucking, and sucking. You're friendless. It's endless. Your flower has soured. It's endless. You're friendless. It's harder. And stronger. But no one's been inside you longer. Or harder. Or deeper. To get you off, you need the fear. It's never love. Bloody touch. Broken wrist. Needle rust. Choking throat. Swallowed teeth. Head fuck. No peace. I'm shedding my skin to peel you off of me. You've got to love me. Ornament. Shrunken head. Playtoy. Snake strike. Poisonous. Syphillis. Drenched me. Soaked me. I'm shedding my skin to drain you out of me. You've got to hate me. |
1/30/06 10:41 am - . fuck subtlety . Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward. Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both. For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I live I will kill you, if I die you are forgiven." Such is the Rule of Honor. |
1/27/06 02:26 pm - . new eyes .I lost track of who I belong to The past is gone Choke She isn't real! I can't make her real! She isn't real! I can't make her real! |
1/24/06 05:33 pmI choose job. |
1/11/06 12:20 pmNow Larry is in jail.  worried |
1/10/06 09:26 am - . my god what happened to you .I start grad school Monday. People from the recent and distant past seem more concerned about me, but I feel I'm taking better care of myself. My friend Ino went to jail. He was a very strong father figure to me. Now the older brothers and I have to maintain the house ourselves. Too many alpha's in one household and no father figure. Wolves are one of the few mammals who work in packs.. and yet still remain solitary explorers. We still have rats. I'm sharing my apartment with friends. I gave away one house key already. I know the pieces fit. There they go... the dead the wild the couragous and the free. |
12/5/05 01:26 am - . sex + religion . |